


Crush

by GhostRaccoon



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, Other, Panic Attack, Queerplatonic Analogical - Freeform, Queerplatonic Relationships, but he'll redeem himself don't worry, found family royality, roman's a dick in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2020-08-20 22:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20235364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostRaccoon/pseuds/GhostRaccoon
Summary: A sort of bullet fic (with no inclusion of actual bullet point lists) of a human au where Patton falls head over heels at first sight with Virgil, and Roman does the same with Logan. Basically the right sides are gay and the left sides are oblivious.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely inspired by the song Crush by Tessa Violet, with heavy influence from the music video for the same song. It's been gaining a lot of traction on tumblr, so I'm putting it here too for non-tumblr folks to enjoy it!!!

I’m over here, listening to Crush by Tessa Violet and i’m thinking… moxiety human au where Patton is the one _hardcore_pining for that one Anxious Kid who works at the classic Mom and Pop grocery store he frequents.

And like at first it’s mostly Patton trying to be friendly because this kid looks like he’s had a long day and he’d just watched an angry customer storm away from him and it’s his natural urge to go over and make the kid laugh with one of his _amazing _dad jokes.

He notices this kid (Virgil, his name tag says) tense when Patton walks up but Patton just beams and cracks a joke and the unsure smile makes Patton kinda… unexpectedly… swoon a little bit.

And like it’s the most unexpected thing ever??? Like yeah, he’s cute, but Patton’s always thought his type was more… not angsty emo working at a grocery store (Though Patton should have known he knew nothing about his own type after his fallout with Roman… not that the two were on bad terms) and of course now Patton’s staring at Virgil dumbfounded and Virgil’s shifting feet uncomfortably because he can’t technically walk away or he’d get in trouble.

And like? Patton doesn’t even think about the fact that Virgil is _at work_ until Virgil asks him if he needs something? And of course Patton apologizes, but now he’s blushing in embarrassment before quickly walking away and pulling out his phone to immediately text Roman (surprise, they’re actually best friends now!) that “OH MY GOD ROMAN HE’S SO CUTE WHAT DO I DO???” and roman ofc gets no context whatsoever so his response, because he was distracted at this point in the day with _sleeping _(it’s eleven, patton) his only response is “stab him????”

After the encounter with the strange customer who stared at him after telling him a dumb pun, Virgil sneaks off to the bathroom to text his qpp Logan because he’s stressed out and his anxiety is spiking and he really needs Logan to talk him down right now but he doesn’t answer so Virgil assumes he’s wrapped up in unneeded research on something stupid like the production of microchips or whatever and he goes back to work practicing his breathing exercises and tapping his fingers against his thumbs repeatedly to ground himself.

And Virgil thinks that’s the last time he sees the weird guy who told him a pun, stared, and then left but after like two days he runs into him again this time he’s… buying yarn? sure cool okay. Only the guy looks confused, looking at two skeins that look almost exactly the same from different brands but ones like fifteen dollars more expensive for some reason?

So Virgil, against his better judgement, goes up and asks the guy what’s got him looking so lost.

“Why is this skein more expensive than this skein?”

Virgil looks at them and shrugs. “Probably cause ones hand spun and the others not.”

Patton looks over at the employee that answered him and freezes because suddenly the cute boy from two days ago is _right there_ and his gay panic kind of takes over and he flushes a bright red, puts down the skeins, and walks away.

Virgil’s confused, but thinks nothing of it.

Patton on the other hand is screaming on the inside, rapidly texting Roman in the next aisle.

**ROMAN HE TALKED TO ME OH MY GOD**

**is this about the cute boy i told you to stab two d7ays ago?**

**Y E S**

**did you talk back???**

**NO**

**why the hell not?**

**BECAUSE GAY PANIC????????**

**oh my god**

And the conversation continues like that, Roman trying to convince Patton to go talk to “Cute Store Boy” as Roman has dubbed him.

Patton kinda leaves instead of doing that, but he’s back at the store like a week later because he ran out of paint for one of his projects and he desperately needs a specific shade of purple that only that store holds and he actually runs into Virgil again, this time when he’s out of uniform and CRAP HE’S HOTTER IN HIS EMO CLOTHES (Patton doesn’t even celebrate how on point he was with thinking this guy was into the emo aesthetic).

They’re both buying paint and Patton latches on to the opportunity to ask Virgil what he’s working on.

Virgil startles, jumping visibly and head swiveling to look at Strange Customer Dude with a deer in headlights expression, clutching a blue bottle of paint sporting the name “Midnight Blue” to his chest.

Patton just grins sheepishly, waving awkwardly.

Virgil glances back to the paints for a second, debating if his restock was really worth talking to some stranger who’s been nothing but weird in their total of two interactions so far.

“What?”

Patton huffs out an almost laugh, looking at the paint in Virgil’s hands, and then the cart behind him full of other colors.

“I asked what you were working on?”

Virgil clears his throat and straightens from his hunched over position, shrugging.

“Nothing yet, actually? I uh… just finished a huge project and it… took a lot of my paint.”

Patton beams at the answer, opening his mouth to ask what his project was when another man comes around the corner holding two different sized canvases.

“Virgil, which size did you– Oh, hello.”

And Patton watches as Virgil visibly relaxes at this guys appearance and at first he thinks they must be just really good friends, but then Virgil looks at him and smile’s a really small but really genuine smile that makes Patton swoon again and also think that maybe these two are more than friends… (which he’s right, just not that way)

And he quietly leaves as Virgil is answering the others question. Confusing Virgil when he turns back around and the guy is gone.

“Virgil? Who was that?”

Virgil shrugs. “That weird customer I was telling you about? The one who made a pun, stared, then left?”

Logan nods and that’s the end of that.

Patton originally is kinda disappointed by the fact that Virgil might not be as available as he hoped, but he eventually gets over it enough to stop moping long enough to go to the store for some much needed grocery shopping cause it’s been like a month since he last stocked up on food and he really needs more honestly, especially with Roman living with him, considering how much the athlete eats.

This time though, Roman joins him in going to the store, and while they didn’t run into Virgil this time, they do meet him when they go to the cafe next door, and Patton spots him writing in a corner, drinking out of a hot cup and typing on a dark purple laptop.

And he just… looks so at peace tapping away in that private little corner, Patton’s heart does a little skip and he’s swooning all over again and Roman just rolls his eyes because obviously he can see what’s happening.

Neither notice the second laptop in front of Virgil until Logan steps out of the bathroom and sits down.

And then Roman is swooning and they’re both idiots in love.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan notices the two staring at Virgil and him but he doesn’t really think anything of it because Virgil isn’t paying attention to them so he figured they aren’t bothering him any (even if he recognizes the blonde as the one from the other day as the Weird Customer Virgil told him about).

Patton looks at the counter, sees the line, then takes a deep breath and decides to head over and say hi because he kind of at least wants to be friends with this really cute kid.

So he goes up, and, in typical Patton Etiquette, says hi _very _loudly, and _very _excitedly. It, naturally, scares the shit out of Virgil who squeaks out a short scream because he was so wrapped up in his writing he had no idea anyone other than Logan was there.

Roman, who had just walked up behind Patton, starts _cackling_. Like full on wheezing, he’s laughing so hard. So here’s Virgil, looking rapidly between the strange customer and the laughing asshole, his breathing isn’t even anymore, and Patton notices and he’s concerned but he doesn’t know what to do so he looks at the maybe-boyfriend of Virgil in panic and Logan sighs, gets up (_unintentionally _knocking over a doubled over Roman), crouches in front of Virgil and grabs his hands to get the other’s attention.

“Virgil, breathe. You know the exercise.”

Virgil nods and starts inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight. While he does this Logan nods.

“Okay, give me four unconventional colors, can you do that?”

Virgil nods again, finishes one more cycle of his breathing exercise, then starts looking around the room for ideas.

His eyes lock on someone’s shirt. “Fuchsia.” They skim a milk jug an employee was putting away. “Off-white.” (Logan has to hold back from telling Virgil that white isn’t a color) They glance at Patton and his big, round worried eyes behind his glasses. “…baby-blue.” And finally, they land on Roman, who’s finally calming down from his laughing fit. “Asshole red.”

Logan snorts at that last one, biting down on his fist so he doesn’t snicker more at the jerk’s expense.

“Okay, are you better now?”

Virgil nods, and Logan goes back to his seat, this time purposely avoiding Roman’s now upright form.

Patton smiles apologetically at Virgil. “I seem to have a bad habit of scaring you, sorry about that.”

Virgil shrugs and glances back at his laptop.

“Not a big deal, did you like… need something?” he asks, and Patton is relieved to be forgiven.

“No! I just wanted to say hi, since I never found out what it was you were working on!”

Logan raises a brow. “Didn’t you leave before he could answer?”

Patton flushes, digging his left thumb into his right palm. “Heh, yeah. I uh… had an emergency at home.”

Roman scoffs at that, but says nothing.

Virgil shrugs it off (he shrugs a lot, Patton notices), but he doesn’t really answer the question, instead asking why Patton was interested.

Which is a success in distracting Patton because he outright beams and starts gushing about the children’s art studio he owns and how he has it open five out of seven days of the week so kids 16 and under can come in and work on projects. He talks about how he wishes he could let them in for free but he’s gotta pay bills so he tries to keep it as cheap as possible cause they’re kids. It’s a ten dollar entry fee and there’s even things for adults to do with their kids and it’s so much fun when they drag Patton into their projects.

He keeps going, Virgil actually enjoying listening to the other talk about how once, a kid made him a crown and called him Prince Patton and put a very amazingly made with love clay crown that had barely had time to dry on Patton’s head.

Virgil actually ends up pushing his laptop away so he can put his elbow on the table and lean his chin into his hand while he listens to Patton talk with a tiny smile.

While Patton’s talking, Roman sidles up next to Logan with a suave grin and a Look™ about him that Logan doesn’t notice because he’s currently wrapped up back into his work.

“Well hello, Microsoft Nerd, I’m Roman, and you are?”

“Not interested.”

And just like that Roman’s ego is bruised.

“What? You didn’t even look up from your laptop!”

Logan glanced up with an unamused look. “I don’t flirt with people who laugh at my platonic partner’s distress.”

Roman can’t help but pout, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child who didn’t get what he wanted (at least in Logan’s eyes).


	3. Chapter 3

__

Okay so, a few days later, after Patton talked Virgil’s ear off to the point of Logan having to remind them that Virgil had a paper to work on so Patton gave Virgil his number, Virgil still hasn’t texted or called (but let’s face it he’s got phone call anxiety no way is he gonna do that).

Patton is, naturally, crushed. And also, cursing himself for forgetting to grab Virgil’s number in his excitement.

Virgil, on the other hand, has been pacing his room whenever he’s not at work staring at his phone wondering if he was really going to text Patton and go down that obvious rabbit hole of friendship.

Logan watches, before sighing and picking Virgil’s phone, hitting call on Patton’s number, and pressing speaker.

Virgil freezes and looks at his platonic partner in horror.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hello Patton. It is Logan. I figured I would call you so you’d have Virgil’s number on hand so he could stop worrying himself to death trying to figure out what’s the right first message to send.”

“Oh. Oh! Okay! Thank you Logan!!”

Logan watched Virgil as he promptly hung up, never being one to see sense in a goodbye when it wasn’t needed.

Virgil collapsed on the bed, groaning loudly, though he had to admit he felt relieved that Logan took initiative.

On Patton’s side, he’s screaming into a couch pillow while Roman watches him, slurping up instant ramen in the doorway of the kitchen.

“You okay, gaylord?” is what Roman wants to say.

Instead it comes out as “you okay faylo?” as he’s talking around a mouthful of ramen noodles.

Patton fails to hear him over his screaming and Roman just nods.

Once Patton manages to calm down, he grabs his phone, and texts the last number to call him.

**hey!!!! this is Virgil right? glad we could finally chat outside of running into you at work!**

Virgil jumps when his phone vibrates (because loud sudden noises would scare the shit out of him and it’s not like he can keep the sound on at work anyway) and checks the message that just came in.

It’s Patton.

At least he’s pretty sure it’s Patton, despite the lack of a name given.

**oh! and this is Patton by the way!**

Yep, definitely Patton.

**uh? hey. yeah this is virgil.**

Should he have said more? He should have said more.

**didn’t logan literally tell you this was my number, though?**

Shit, shit, shit wait no he shouldn’t have he should’ve jUST LET PATTON RESPOND.

**he did!!! sorry, i just wanted to be sure it was you and not logan’s number!**

Virgil let out a breath, looking at Logan because now he was at a loss for what to say.

“Ask him about his art studio again, you seemed to enjoy that topic of conversation the last time you two talked,” Logan said, not even tearing his attention away from the book he’d pulled out (was he reading Sherlock Holmes again? Probably).

Virgil nodded and turned back to his phone.

**cool. how’s the art studio going btw?**

**:D  
it’s going great!  
today’s one of my designated days off  
sunday being my other one  
but yesterday a kid made a picture of my as a superhero!  
roman was the bad guy  
cause this kid has issues with loud noises and roman is a very loud individual  
but it was so cute!  
i now have it hanging up on my art wall  
**

**you have an art wall?**

**yeah!!!  
it’s for traditional art the kids make specifically for me!  
i have a ton of shelves dedicated to their art too!  
i love displaying their work and it’s an added bonus when i get it dedicated to me!  
**

**i have literally nothing cynical to say to that  
thats cute as hell wtf**

**:DDD**

Patton is definitely grinning as hard as that emoji implies. It hasn’t even been five minutes, and Virgil has sent all of four texts, but he’s already enjoying the conversation immensely.

“Enjoying talking to the emo nightmare, Air Bud?”

Patton gasped in delight at the nickname. Being referenced to a dog, being called bud, AND a reference to his favorite element? Amazing!

“I am! He asked about my art studio again, do you think I could talk him into visiting?”

Roman shrugged. “Probably. You’re a very persuasive man.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO AGAIN
> 
> I haven’t worked on this in actual months but I fell in love with customer service virgil and remembered this au existed dklfgshd.
> 
> this one is a really short update but i dont care it's soft hours folks and friendship moxiety is the actual best.

Okay so Patton and Virgil start texting like literally every day. Patton’s not quite on “send memes at three in the morning” level yet, but he has breached “i heard a bad joke and now you have to suffer with me” level and Patton is kind of living for all of the awful jokes Virgil sends him.

His favorite is probably any animal pun. Patton tells Virgil this, and Virgil is suddenly really glad he started looking up dumb puns when he was having a bad day and wanted to send Patton into a pun spiral.

Once Patton started sending Virgil memes he found online pertaining to Virgil’s interests, and puns based on the bands Virgil was really into, Virgil decided Patton was officially a friend because it’s so rare for him to find someone who actually tries to pertain to his interests that’s outside of his niche circle online.

Of course, when this happens Virgil looks at Logan (who was staying the night and getting ready for bed because Virgil was having one of his bad days and was in desperate need of his partner laying on top of him so he could breathe) and grimaces at him until Logan sighs.

“Yes, Virgil?”

“I want Patton to be my friend. Can I call him a friend at this point?”

Logan paused, tilting his head in consideration.

“Hmm. I think so? It’s been how long since the two of you started talking like normal people?”

Virgil narrowed his eyes in thought, pursing his lips as he looked down at his phone.

“A month, I think.”

“Then yes, I believe that’s a respectable amount of time to consider him to be a friend.”

God help these two and their lack of understanding on how friendships work.

So Virgil decides to send the Friendship Text, the one he sends people when he reaches the point of being comfortable enough to call them a friend.

**now that we’re friends youve been indicted into the virgil army of which i am the leader and our purpose to spread the platonic affection agenda**.

Patton screams, when he gets that text, which makes Roman fall off the bed in surprise because it’s ten thirty at night and he was working on falling asleep and a loud sudden scream is honestly enough to make anyone fall off of any surface they’re on.

“What? What happened, Patton? Patton are you okay?”

Patton doesn’t answer in favor of kicking his feet and flapping his hands and shaking his head all to try and get the immense feelings of happiness to calm down enough for him to have a functioning heart and also so he can respond to Virgil of course.

**!!!!!! :D  
you called me a friend!!!!!  
i’m so happy!!!!!!  
it’s time for me to explode into glitter, streamers, and puppies!!!!!!!!**

Virgil snorts at Patton’s excitement before saying good night and setting his phone aside so that Logan could properly lay on top of him and they could get some rest at a decent hour for once.


End file.
